Friday, January 7, 2011
Let's Talk About This
6:52 PM | Posted by
Tara B. |
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This is something I've been meaning to talk about for many months, but have lacked the courage to do so. We all have our own demons to battle, that goes without saying. Several weeks ago, I approached a friend of mine, to whom I often turn for support and strength, wanting some company in this process of coming-out-of-the-closet with my demons. Certain events have transpired in the last couple of days that have finally pushed me to address an issue here today that I've been meaning to speak out about for months, but have thus far, shamefully, lacked the courage to. Tien, thank you for being an inspiration to me, and for encouraging me constantly, through your words and your actions, to be more fearless in my own life.
Something changed when I moved the America about five years ago. For whatever reason, among the sea of faces, some black, some white, some skinny, some curvy, I felt like I too, could allow myself to just be. I started to experiment with letting myself enjoy food, and by the end of my first semester at school here, I had gained over 20lbs. When I returned home to India that summer and people pointed out my marked weight gain, I panicked for a brief while, but over the course of the next few years, I found, to my delight, that my weight had plateaued. I continued to eat what I wanted, when I wanted, and my weight fluctuated by a pound or two, always staying in the low nineties. And for the first time in a long time, I had energy. I could do stuff. Of course, I still battled the occasional nagging voices in my head- ugh, those thighs! For the most part, though, I thought I was doing ok.
Fast forward to a year ago, when I made a life-altering decision that entailed me going through certain medical procedures. I didn't see it right away, but part of the aftermath of this decision was that my hormones and, as a result, my metabolism, were completely and devastatingly out of whack. Since having started this blog almost exactly a year ago, I have put on over 15lbs. Imagine 15 extra pounds on a small-boned girl standing 5'2" on a good day. I still wear a size 0, mainly because I usually wear full-skirted dresses and because my weight gain has, funnily enough, not been very generous to "the girls". I'm still an ironing board. The weight I've put on seems mostly to have gone to my thighs and butt- hooray.
Anthropologie Bold Boutonniere Dress
Anthropologie Breezy Polkas Cardigan
American Eagle Tights
Target Pumps
Those close to me have been aware of my struggles with body image for a while now, and have consistently been a source of support and confidence to me. Sometimes, though, I stumble, I slip up. I still see or hear a stray comment floating around, like This doesn't look as good on you as it does on me, and I'm completely shaken. People will point out that to be actually affected, saddened, upset, by such comments, I must really have issues. And of course, they're absolutely right. I have issues. I love the ocean, but almost collapse from an anxiety attack at the thought of a trip to the beach- what if someone sees me in a swimsuit? Sounds idiotic, but I actually asked Tien this question, months ago. Her response: What if? Forced in this manner to confront and extrapolate my fears to their logical conclusion, I repeatedly come to the same conclusion: So what? So nothing! We're all built differently. Too pale, too tan, big hips, pancake butt, flat chest, belly fat...the list goes on. Comparing people of different body types is like comparing apples to oranges: it's senseless. It's a trap that entices me to hold myself to other people's standards and inevitably, when I do feel like I fall short of someone else in some way, it fosters a feeling of insecurity and shame. Most of us have nagging doubts about certain parts of our bodies, and yes, not everything looks great on everybody. But must you take it upon yourself to confirm someone's worst fears about themselves?I have not, personally, reached a point where I'm completely secure in my own body, and issues of weight and body image are still things that are a daily struggle. I do try, however, to take pride in my appearance in little ways, and when I do find something that I think looks nice on me, I share it with y'all. Not because I want/need validation, or praise, but because I'm hoping someone like me, someone unsure and imperfect, will see it and think Hey- I could do that! At the very least, putting up pictures of oneself for the world to see requires some small amount of courage; courage that I did not have five years ago.
Sharing my pictures with you, however, isn't an entirely altruistic venture: I do get something out of it- fun! It's fun to put on something pretty, and it feels nice to think that I look nice in what I'm wearing. I enjoy documenting the memory of this joy via photographs.Undoubtedly, many of you reading this essay today get a similar kick out of having a place to document happy memories- memories of instances when you looked and felt beautiful- and doing so with impunity. Without the threat of judgment. Be it a blog, an online journal, or your Facebook photo album, having a little corner of the world where you can allow yourself to feel happy and feel beautiful, is kind of a big deal. 
The pride that comes from being able to hold one's head up high, on a forum such as this, is often misunderstood and vilified as arrogance, vanity, frivolity, and so on. Pride is none of these things. Pride is not what I feel when people tell me I look perfect in this dress or that sweater. Pride is what I feel for having had the guts to show you a picture of me in this dress, even though in my own eyes, I am imperfect.
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102 comments:
this blog post shows you are more beautiful than any words could ever say or any photo could ever show. thank you for the courage of your voice and the sharing your story with your readers.
xx maricel
the style shrink
Tara - you are awesome! Thanks for sharing your story, for real. I think a certain assumption goes into fashion blogging that you all are extremely confident and comfortable with your bodies, but in all reality that's harder to come by than it seems. Congrats on getting as far as you have, and for embracing your differences!! :)
Thank you for this essay, Tara - you are as brave as you are beautiful. (PS I particularly love your outfit today!)
You've come a long way, Tarabear. You may struggle to find reasons to be proud of yourself, but I'm certainly proud to call myself your friend. It's very easy for certain people to not take responsibility for their words, and to not realize that they may be feeding into the insecurities and fears of COUNTLESS women out there. Blogs are a powerful tool, and with great power comes great responsibility- the responsibility to not perpetuate a culture of comparing and picking apart impressionable young women for not looking good in this dress or that dress.
Kudos to you!
Oh Tara, You are so beautiful...You always exude confidence. I too was really tiny. My issue is I was just tiny. In high school I was always picked on for being "Too Skinny" 85 Lbs. Even my mom would poke fun at the fact that I looked like a skeleton and called me "Olive Oil" from Popeye.I never really let it get to me because I figured one day I would bloom and I would just grow into my looks. like we all do.Since high school I did gain a little weight and unfortunately got an ulcer and my weight went back down to about 95 Lbs. Once I healed I started to gain some weight.which took a while. Now I weigh 120 and am very happy. We should not put too much thought into what others think about us. I don't worry about people calling me skinny or accuse me of being anorexic. I am who I am. I'm naturally small. I have the same issues others have. cellulite, A belly, But who cares! I think we should be happy with who we are, Some of us are flat chested, some of us have big breasts, some of us have a booty, some of us don't. But as women we should all celebrate that we are "Women" I think we are the hardest on each other instead of banding like sisters we sometimes are worse than men. You be you. You are a beautiful girl inside and out.And we see that everyday. You have a great sense of humor and you bring us all your magical personality. Be proud of Tara. And know that you are not alone with this out there. We Love you!
Thank you for sharing your story Tara. I know it can be hard to put yourself out there in the blogosphere, but I think you're beautiful and I draw inspiration from you with every post!
First off, let me tell you how brave you are to post this here for all of us to see. Second of all, I also know how much of a struggle it can be when you look at others and only see yourself as inefficient in comparison. I was a dancer for years and I was constantly told that I wouldn't make it because I was too "hippy", even though I had an extraordinary talent. The people who make us feel this way deserve a special place in hell if you asked me;).
That being said, you are a beautiful woman and you look fantastic! You are the perfect size and I bet your husband feels the same way. Keep your head up and remember that you are fabulous no matter what other people say or make you feel.
Cheers!
Farrah
Hey Tara, thanks for sharing this story. It's very brave of you. I can certainly relate to a lot of it (will send you an email). I think you are absolutely beautiful. And if blogging and posting up your gorgeous outfit photos is what makes you feel good, then please post to your heart's content. We enjoy reading/looking at them as much as you enjoy doing them!
I'm indian too...and most indian girls born to parents from gujurat are 5 feet and a size negative 0. I on the other hand am five feet AND five and a half inches tall...and a pleasantly pump 140 lbs (if i eat right I weigh 130...and that's if I care). All Indian moms are convinced that I am not Gujarati because I'm "larger" so they all think I'm a plump Punjabi gal...screw the culture....at the end of it all, I am human...and a pretty decent one if you ask me :) If everybody in the world was "perfect" we would all look like Barbie!
Tara, you are a beautiful and intelligent girl! Your blog is amazing...it's the one thing that I look forward to reading every night when I get home from work...Keep up the good work! Your fashion sense truly inspires me. It takes real guts to write your deepest fears for thousands of people to read. That takes courage! Not many people have that and in my opinion, those who do, are honest and down to earth! In my eyes you are a flawless, successful, eloquent girl :)
Not to mention amazingly dressed! :p
Excellent post. I'm in awe of women like you and Tien for finding the courage to share with your readers not only your insecurities (which, btw, is not a weakness, but what makes you come across as HUMAN instead of some paragon of perfection that is impossible to attain), but also your photos from back when you were in more troubled times. That kind of courage is what young women WANT to see, NEED to see. Not some catty comment that makes other girls feel small and ashamed just for being a certain shape or size.
Tara,
Thank you for sharing this story. You are beautiful and soooo lovely the way you are now :) I think as women we are constantly pressured to look a certain way, but I love that we are all different! You are an inspiration sharing your story!!!
Thanks for writing this, Tara. I remember when you wrote to me about the beach trip, and I know so many women have fears about it. But the beach is not populated by supermodels, it's filled with regular people of all kinds of size and shape.
I could hardly recognize the thinner you; you look so healthy and beautiful now with a warm glow.
You are truly a beautiful person and out, Tara. Thank you so much for sharing - as I think we all struggle with accepting ourselves.
I think blogging has helped me be more accepting of myself too - for YEARS I had been so adverse to having pics taken of me because I wasn't happy with the way I looked. Blogging - and "meeting" beautiful people such as yourself - has made me so much more accepting of me!
I think insecurity with one's body is something every woman faces at some point in her life. Society puts alot of pressure on us to look perfect. I've had huge boobs since 7th grade, and I was picked on constantly about it. They were how everyone "identified" me. "Oh Bonnie, that chick with the big boobs." I hated it! I was so self-conscious about them for years. I think feeling comfortable with yourself is something that comes with age. Life experiences help us grow to understand ourselves better and be comfortable with who we are. You're a beautiful person. We all are.
bullies say hurtful things to make themselves feel better about who they are. i believe that they will reap what they sow. their words can be painful to hear, but they come from a dark place and are not the truth. you ARE beautiful, healthy, and thin. thanks for sharing your inspirational story.
This is one of the most touching, honest posts I've seen around the blogosphere lately. For personal reasons that I don't yet have the courage to mention publicly, this post hit home with me, real hard. Your friends and family must be proud of the kind of woman you've grown to be. Please know that you have made a difference in my life.
Tara thank you for sharing something so intimate about yourself. From the first time I read your blog this past fall I became so intrigued, of course with the pretty style you have but for how real you are and I have never met you in person! It is your words that captured me. Thank you for your honesty and putting everything out there. I think everyone needs an outlet whatever it may be. You saved my fashion sense you saved you, its a win/win!
Thanks for sharing...I really respect you for doing this! You are truly beautiful and inspire so many women!
It is insanely brave of you to talk about something this personal here, but I appreciate you sharing what you've gone through, and I'm sure that there will be plenty of people who will be able to relate and hopefully be helped by this. I'm glad that you are in a healthier and happier place and that blogging makes you happy.
Thank you for sharing! You are beautiful inside and out. I am going through a tough time in my own life right now and you just warmed my heart with your honesty.
I love this post. I love when bloggers reach out beyond the photos and the clothes and the DIY home projects and tell a story that means something important. I guarantee that your honesty and bravery have helped more readers than you know. YOu are beautiful and brave and thank you for putting yourself out there to help others.
You are a brave beautiful girl.
Thank you for your courage in posting this. I have struggled with an eating disorder and have debated on whether or not i should share my struggle.
You are beautiful and have a beautiful spirit.
Thank you:)
you are so courageous for sharing such a hard topic with so many people.
THANK YOU for being honest and writing about a struggle that soooo many of us face, whether a full blown eating disorder or a major letdown, heartbreak or sadness everytime we look in the mirror and notice one more flaw.
i love your final paragraph about how so often this can be perceived as vanity to take pictures of yourself when the truth is, it may be the only self esteem boost you can give yourself and by all means, one you should take after feeling so much pain for so long.
you are absolutely beautiful.
I have been "following" your blog for a long time, but this is my first time commenting since I felt this needed to be said. Obviously, you're a pretty girl and the photography on your blog is phenomenal, so it's very easy to come get lost in all that eye-candy. But actually being able to see your frailty and vulnerability just blew me away. Now when I visit your blog, I will always remind myself that underneath that beautiful exterior is a perfectly imperfect, even more beautiful person.
Thanks for sharing such a deep part of yourself. Sometimes it's easy to think when we look at others blog that they have a charmed life with no struggles. We all have things that we wish we could change but it's so refreshing to know that none of us are alone! We love you and your beautiful blog! You are a talented and amazing person and I feel blessed to have found your blog!
Oh Tara, thank you for sharing your inspiring story.
As many of your readers have said (and I'm sure many more are thinking this as they read your blog), you are a beautiful person. Both inside and out.
What a brave post. I think you are beautiful as you are today.
Oh Tara, it's so heartbreaking to read about the terrible things girls put themselves through on the way to growing up! (I remember awhile in HS that I only ate a bag of cheezies for lunch most days...ugh!) I am so happy you are happy and healthy now, and feel happy and healthy, besides being beautiful!
It took me a long time to get used to what I considered my own 'bizarre' shape, but you do get to a point where you know what works and for the rest, well, I don't care! Heh...well, okay, nordic cellulite is not a pretty sight, but the great thing about the beach is everyone is so self-conscious about their own form they don't have time to critique yours!!
Thanks for sharing...
Pride is what you should feel right now for being brave enough to share this with us. I'm so glad you decided to publicly share this story. You've wrote this so eloquently and I seriously think if this "essay" was spread around, it can help lots of girls out there. I'm sure what you had to go through, and still deal with today, is a consistently battle that'll never get to the point where it's easy. But knowing you're imperfect, yet still being proud of who you are, is totally awesome!
Thank you for sharing your story. You are so beautiful to me and it takes a lot of guts to share your story with the world. I love your blog, not only for the pretty pictures, but for your awesome spirit! Thank you for your honest and lovely post :)
I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, I'm saying this because it's absolutely true - you are beautiful, gorgeous, and stunning. An extra 15lbs or not, you still manage to always look phenomenal. Plus, I think those 15lbs look good on you - without them, I don't think you would look as stunning as you do. Thanks for sharing this with us and best of luck with conquering your beliefs on the topic. No one is perfect but the closest thing you can be to perfect is to just be yourself.
Tara, thank you for sharing such a personal story. It takes guts to do that. We all have issues and struggles. I have gone through similar insecurities myself. When Im thin people accuse me of eating disorders. WHen I gain some they don't hesitate to let me know ( As if I don't have mirrors and don't know) People can be very harsh and they don't realize how easy it is to hurt someone's feelings.
I say, let's just try to be happy with who we are. Nobody is perfect. We can't go through life trying to please everyone and hide and suffer to be accepted and be seen as beautiful.
When in fact we all in our own way. It's all about trying to find what makes us happy . Trying to be healthy it's all that should matter. People will never stop judging one another. Especially girls with their competition. I have lost friendships over this. I refuse to play that game of Im better than you, Im skinnier than you and more popular than you...and guess what? I have surrounded myself with people who are positive and enjoy life! Life is beautiful let's enjoy it and try to stop worrying about image so much which, it's something that will never stop changing.
Looks will fade. But inner beauty will remain. Even when we are all little old ladies we will still be beautiful because of who we are inside.
I understand it's hard not to have these issues, because everyone goes through them. Even supermodels!
Accepting that we have these issues takes so much courage!and makes you so much more human, Tara.
I think you are very beautiful and talented. I love the pics! I would love to know what camera you use. they are truly fantastic. Getting better and better everytime...
Tara,
As a girl who is 12/14 I have loved your blog. Even though we are opposite sides on the sizing spectrum I find sooo much inspiration and humor from your blog posts. In addition to that you are soo confidant and positive.
In a society for at least mainstream (exclude hollywood) the focus is on the opposite on obesity. But by sharing your story that it's not just overeating that is a problem...it's just over all body image and perception.
Tara you are so brave for sharing your story and you are a truly beautiful human.
You are a very brave and beautiful young woman and I am glad you shared your story. I have always been on the opposite end, I eat more than I should. The skinniest I have been is 125, I am currently 165. I don't feel good about my weight and I blame myself constantly but after reading your post and Tien's it makes me reanalyze myself and my thoughts on weight. It is sad that we as women can be so hurtful to one another. I have a daughter and son, I hope I can teach them to love themselves and not worry about weight as I did. My mother constantly and to this day talks about my weight. She had Thyroid problems, overactive thyroid she lost a bunch of weight she was down to 105 at my wedding. I was so scared I would lose her. She is now at a healthy 135. I am happy she is alive to see her grandchildren. So I know that it can be scary. I think you did a wonderful thing today writing about your experience. I think if women were honest with eachother we would see that we all have some kind of eating disorder. Thank you so much for writing this blog.
Thank you for sharing your story - you are brave and courageous. You are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside (which this post shows - that inside you are amazing and compassionate).
hi Tara!
I've been a longtime reader of your blog, but have never felt the push to comment until today. This post was so beautifully written and struck a deep chord with me. I want to thank you for sharing something that is so personal to you yet so relatable to many many women, including myself. I wanted to let you know that even though we've never met, your beauty and class really shows through on your blog.
best,
dianna
It takes a lot of courage to both put yourself out there for the world to judge through blogging, and to share a story such as this. You are courageous and beautiful, inside and out. And for what it's worth, I've always thought you looked amazing!
It is so difficult these days. We all have this perceived idea of perfect thrust on us by the media. I too am just under 5ft 2in on a good day but I have never been thin but I always was proud of the fact that I was strong. I would go to the gym and workout and be proud of what I did there. Then a horrible debilitating back issue took that away from me and in two years I gained 30lbs. So now I am 150lbs and to make it worse I am a size 14 on top and an 8 on the bottom...very tough to dress. A few times I have sent reader outfits into blogs but after I saw them published I though why did I send that, who wants to see me looking like that. It is very difficult, I am finally getting better physically but the weight doesn't want to come off despite some very hard work. I can tell you first hand how hard it is to overcome that but at the same time I think we are all unique and beautiful and amazing and I think we simply need to celebrate who we are and what we have accomplished.
I think you are beautiful and I am so glad you have been able to embrace and accept your own beauty.
You are such a lovely girl inside and out.
I really enjoy reading your blog and seeing your photographs, and I am so happy you are starting to see what all these other girls and myself see- an extremely unique and beautiful individual. Thanks for opening up to us about your struggles, it is very brave of you.
You inspire me.
I read a million blogs and never have time to comment much, but I just had to say this. Every time I see you come up in my reader I know I'm going to finish the post thinking, "She is so beautiful. I wish I was that lovely." I've struggled somewhat with body image also and flirted with anorexia at several times. Thanks for sharing. You're an inspiration. <3
Tara, Thank you for your bravery sharing your story. I have a terrible body image and am afraid of posting my pics of my OOTD. That is why I only use Polyvore's of my outfits right now.... I will take all of what you said to heart and I will be brave enough very soon. Blessings and Cheers!
Sherry at Girls Day Out gdo-family.blogspot.com
Wow. *insert applause*
Really...it's so hard to talk about something like this as you have done - with a retrospective yet straightforward approach, a proud yet humbled tone, and an honest yet quite air. Thank you for sharing so wonderfully Tara (and on such a public domain to boot) - that's a lot of good feelings and inspiration in one post.
This is definitely a success story, simply put, and I hope you continue to have many many more to tell, always.
Cheers!
Thank you for sharing. I am going through some semi-related stuff right now, and this was helpful and inspiring to read.
This was so elegantly written. I think you are correct that most women (and men I believe) struggle with what they have to offer on their exterior at some point in their life or another. Confidence comes from different places... I used to feel pretty badly about my body, and then I started running more and then over time, my big butt and thighs were no longer big, I started viewing these once non-perfect body parts as strong and capable of once unimaginable things. . I think when I started loving my body for what it could do instead of what it couldn't I finally felt free of self-hate.
Thank you for sharing, this has been an interesting and enlightening week in the blogsphere :)
Dearest Tara,
You continue to inspire me everyday since "meeting" you on your blog. This story demonstrates how intelligent, brave, beautiful, and genuine you are, and I simply look forward to hearing from you for days to come. This story resonated with me on so many levels. In high school I would eat very little and weighed close to 110 lbs.People noticed, and at times said something, but I was always too defensive to allow them to get any closer and actually provide comfort. In college I continued to compare myself to other girls, and attending a big university in the South, I was surrounded by beautiful and thin girls. Not only did I not continue eating regular meals, but I was also restricting myself in other ways and it just became exhausting, especially during a time when I was supposed to be having the time of my life learning and making new friends.
I'll end my story by simply saying the following: I have always appreciated your honesty in your posts and emails and your beauty always shines through.
p.s. I'm mad about your outfit today and seeing you in this cardi so many times inspired me to find a cranberry-color one as well! See the inspiration you always provide?!
Tara- while I cannot relate to being a size 0 ( I wish) I can relate to not being comfortable in your own skin. I have gained weight since I got married and nothing fits anymore. I have been wearing flowy dresses and skirts to mask it, like you mentioned, but I still don't feel as good about myself as I have in the past. I always think you look fabulous in your outfit posts so please don't be so hard on yourself. Kudos for sharing...
Thank you Tara. I always thought you were so beautiful on the outside, and now I know that you are even more beautiful on the inside. It just goes to show you that you really have no idea what people are dealing with behind closed doors. We all have our insecurities and skeletons in the closet and it take alot of guts to share it with the world. You are definitely a huge inspiration and someone I truly admire. You are amazing.
xo
Lisa
You know, you always seemed so perfect to me. You are tiny and beautiful and your blog has flawless pictures. I suppose I think of body image problems as belonging to those with bodies a little MORE imperfect than yours. (Like mine!)
It was brave of you to share your story. Inspiring actually.
It also reminds me that EVERYONE has body issues... even the seemingly perfect bloggers of the world. None of us is alone in that.
Thank you for sharing. I completely understand how you feel and I think it's amazing that you share your photographs with us on a regular basis. You always look so beautiful in whatever you wear which also must come from your spirit as well.
This was such a touching piece to read. I really commend you for having the courage to share this very personal story with us. Although you may feel differently, I want to honestly (HONESTLY) say that I think you look absolutely wonderful. Really. I mean it.
Hi Tara, you have beautiful writing. I read the last paragraph many many times. I admire your courage to put your personal story out there. I have had similar experience and I could absolutely relate to you. You look beautiful just the way you are. I think a process as such (acknowledging and letting out) may help you get more comfortable with your own self. Your blog has filled a different hole in the anthro blogosphere and kudos to you for all your hard work here. We appreciate it and again, you are absolutely fabulous!
what a wonderful post, thank you for sharing! it is always reassuring to hear of others' struggles w/ which we can relate. you are simply beautiful!
Tara-this post is just what I needed to read. I think the most beautiful people in the world are the ones that are real. You, my friend, are a true beauty.
Thank you.
Tara,
You blew me away with this post. What a courageous move on your part to start a blog and face your body image issues head on! Please know that you are a strong and extremely beautiful person. We're all here for you.
Tara, this post was eloquently written. Thank you for sharing your story. I also struggled with my body image for years. I was always naturally VERY skinny, and throughout my entire life, people daily accused me of having an eating disorder. At 5'5", I didn't even weigh over 100 pounds until I entered my early 20's. I finally reached the 110 pound mark by my late 20's.
Now that I've hit 30, my weight has filled out just a bit more and hovers around 115-117. I sometimes struggle with this, as I'm more womanly now with a large behind and some hips for the first time in my life.
Thank you for helping me realize that we need to embrace who we are instead of constantly trying to fit some cookie cutter mold.
You are so courageous for sharing this excerpt of your life with everyone.
I've been following your blog for several months now and I've truly enjoyed all your post/ootd and beautiful photography.
You are quite stunning btw.
Tara, you are beautiful inside and out. Your strength is a source of inspiration for other women... your blog lifts other women up, celebrates them, and is a place of complete positivity. I thank you so much for that. Thank you for empowering women. That's what we need to do for each other, and it's so nice to see bloggers like you (and all the other lovely, positive bloggers out there) do that for us readers, and for yourselves. xox!
Tara, you're beautiful, and truth be told, you really aren't even a little bit overweight (as I intimated in our emails), though I can imagine that it might seem a lot more that what you're used to. I'm also 5'2", and fluctuate between 105 and 108, depending on whether or not I'm drinking too much soda/eating too many sweets. =D But even if I'm "untoned" (skinny-fat, as you put it), I know I'm still on the lean side and can't complain. And yes, you're right, about why we blog photos of ourselves. It's not because we think we're all that, but for a wide variety of other reasons. I've actually found fashion blogging to be enormously good for my body image (which my husband has told me many times, is pretty distorted, when I get in that funk). Hang in there! And thanks for being brave enough to share!
I stumbled upon your blog, and upon reading this entry, I knew I just had to comment. THANK YOU. Thank you from every girl who has ever felt less than beautiful in her own skin, for whatever reason. This post absolutely moved me, and hit very close to home. It was beautiful, just like you.
Tara:
Took a lot of courage for you to share your story and makes me feel like I "know" you a bit better. Until I was in my later 20's/early 30's, I was 5'7 and about 115 lbs. I think I was ~105 when I graduated from college at 22. The only thing that kept me from being thought of as having an eating disorder was that I always had a butt and thighs and eating disorders were not discussed or even had a name. My arms were sticks and were often referred to by others a "chicken wings". I so wished that I was "normal". I am african american and as a people, we are NOT usually skinny like that. Food is social, comforting and a huge part of our culture, including all the bad stuff. I did eat, but at the time my metabolism, just burned everything up.
As I have aged, I see that my metabolism has slowed down and i've gained weight and am "normal" whatever that is. I still struggle with people's opinions of how I look and wasn't very comfortable in my own body. I am grown to accept that I have thighs I don't like and I have a butt, but I have a great personality and make the most of what I have. My weight went up a short while ago and then I lost about 18lbs and have been surprised about the comments I have gotten, which although positive, made it seem like I was obese, which I clearly wasn't. I have tried to take it in stride, but it does make me think that the world saw me as less attractive.
I guess what I am saying is that society puts a lot of pressure on women to look a "certain way" by what they push as the standard of beauty. Look at the magazines, commercial and movies. Those folks don't even look that way without a lot of work, help and genetics. Add to that cultural idiosyncrasies about body image and it's a recipe for eating disorders, depression and body image issues for most women.
It is great to see you and Tien bearing some of your souls and sharing some of your demons with your readers. You should be proud and one thing I do know for sure: as we grow and gain wisdom, we really start to understand what is important in life and true for each of us.
I enjoy reading and seeing the photo's on your blog.
Thank you. Your honesty and candor speak volumes about your inner strength and beauty. And I think your outer beauty is evident in your every single post.
Cute outfit! Love your blog!!
diaryofashortgirl.blogspot.com
Your blog caught my eye one day because you are so beautiful and your dress sense is amazing! I have followed it ever since, even though we don't have Anthropologie over here in New Zealand (they do ship here now though, yay!). Thank you for sharing this story, it reminded me that we are all more alike and closer to each other than we realise. Big hugs xx
Tara - Thank you for being so open and so honest about what you've been through and go through still with your body image and your past eating disorder. You are a beautiful inspiration and a reminder that we all have our struggles. I have struggled with an eating disorder for nearly 9 years and have only just begun to recover - it's definitely a battle that many women secretly fight. I really want to thank you for being so open - thank you for touching this girl at the heart. :) I've been brewing a post like this for a long time, and you and Tien have really inspired me to write one. Thank you thank you for that too.
Tara, your fresh honesty and true voice shines through in this post. I thank you for your bravery, as a woman, as a fashion lover, as another survivor of serious body image issues. I commented on Tien's last post as well...saying we all could use a bit more self acceptance. It's definitely a journey, but one I prefer to make while wearing things that inspire me and bring out the moxy. Thanks again.
Thank you for this post. It really helped me to see things a bit differently. Sometimes I avoid adding pictures on my facebook because I don't want to be a "show off", or give the impression that my life is perfect, especially because I would see pictures from my friends and I would be a bit depressed comparing my life to their lives. But there is nothing wrong in expressing your happiness and beauty. I need to do more of that. I have been looking for good blogs to follow, blogs that will bring the best of me in many ways and I am glad I found yours!
Tara, you brought a tear to my eye. This was your best post ever. You are a beautiful person, inside, and especially outside.
Hi, I'm a new reader and I love your blog- mainly because I love seeing how you style Anthro clothes! Thank you for sharing this and being real. I hope you know how many American girls struggle with their bodies.. girls everywhere really. I feel the same way (though I was never thin or had an eating disorder). I get discouraged when I see something that looks good on skinny girls and my size 6 can't wear it as effectively. It's hard. I think you are beautiful and I think you look great. Your worst critic will always be yourself!
Thank you for this. It takes a lot of bravery to admit an eating disorder. In my early 20s I was bulimic. For a long time, even after I conquered it, I kept it hidden. Then, after telling a friend who was having problems how I was able to conquer it, I realized it was selfish and vain for me to not speak about it when it could help someone.
You always look lovely but, yes, that feeling of not liking one's body is familiar. I have a similar body shape/size. Today I felt bloated and nasty and just couldn't bear to get dressed. Tomorrow if I feel the same, I'll remember I'm not alone and make sure I reach for a dress instead of staying home in my pajamas bemoaning my bloat. Thank you.
this is beautifully written and think you should send it into some magazine. and way to go with having the courage to put it out there. i dont thnk i could ever do that. and i too struggle with the same issues as i think we all do. this is really encouraging and inspiring. thank you.
loves.
britt
Tara, my dear, you are such a beautiful person - inside and out. I loved this post. It brought tears to my eyes. You're so courageous to share something so personal with all of us, and I truly admire you for it.
I think all women struggle with their body imange, whether you're a size 0 or 14. I've been naturally thin my whole life. Until a couple years ago, I only weighed about 113lbs and I'm 5'7" I always got comments like "oh my god, do you eat?" "You're so thin - are you anorexic?" and it hurt. I never tried to be that thin- I just was. I remember in my early 20's my doctor made me drink Ensure because I was only 103lbs. I wanted desperately to put on some weight and have some shape. I'm 30 now and while I'm still a size 0 or 2, I have more shape and have filled out more. The funny thing is, all I ever wanted 10 years ago was to fill out and have shape, now that I have it, I worry if I have too much. Some days I feel like I look curvier than I want to. So I know how you feel and it's totally normal.
Just know that you are beautiful :)
Tara, you're beautiful. Inside and out.
I really appreciate your courage in writing about this---an issue I've always struggled with, all my life---it's always easy to fall into the trap of people's opinions--the truth is we are all built different--I was never slim--at my thinnest I could fit into a size six, but that was never enough. Now several years later (and soooo many pounds heavier, LOL!) I long for the "good ol days". Point is, as we age, there's always something going downhill--I wish I had enjoyed myself more when I was in still IN the good ol days, instead of running after something that just wasn't me. Every once in a while, when I find myself slipping back into that feeling I need to remind myself that today IS my best day--I'm healthy, can bike walk run dance (a few months back my health took a major down slide and gave me my wake up call). But this year, my health (not my weight) is definitely the focus.
You're gorgeous, just the way you are.
Tara,
I'm always inspired by your sense of style, but today, I'm inspired by your courage. Thank you for being you and for sharing your beauty with us through your blog.
Hi Tara,
This was a brave and beautiful posting. It's not always easy to confront our own issues, let alone tell other people about them, but it is usually helpful. There is no real quick fix for body image issues - it seems to be more of a life-long process. You're right - whatever we look like, we each have our own issues, and it is only the horrible people that put down others to try to make themselves feel better. You are so cute on this blog - your outfits, your posts, your life, mostly YOU. Keep going strong - everyone loves your blog!
Thanks for sharing! I think you are so lovely and perfect just the way you are! Of course, it's always a journey on the road to self-confidence, but I think taking beautiful photos and feeling good about your style and having somewhere to share those photos truly does help! I hope you know how much I enjoy reading your blog and admiring your fashion sense! :)
Loves!
Thank you so much for sharing this touching post, Tara. I think many of us struggle with body-confidence issues, and it can be so reassuring to know that other young women have experienced similar struggles. I admire you for exposing this most vulnerable side of yourself and sharing a bit more of your background with us. And I think you're absolutely, completely correct that blogging can be a source of encouragement to ourselves. For my part, I always used to dislike my face because I thought it was too round. Whenever I gained a few pounds, I felt as though it would show in my face before anywhere else. Once I started blogging and saw myself from someone else's perspective, I started to appreciate myself for who I am. Along the way, I always realized that I have a rather angular face, and had been mis-perceiving myself for quite some time.
You are absolutely gorgeous, inside and out. You blog is a daily inspiration to me, and I look forward to many more lovely posts. Cheers!
Tara my dear, you are GORGEOUS inside and out. Thank you so much for sharing and as always, being an inspiration to us all!
Lorispeak
Great post! I know you helped so many by sharing your personal story!
I have been reading your blog for some time now and have always looked forward to your posts but have never commented. I just wanted to say that your eloquence in writing this has blown me away. To express your past experiences while still moving forward is a gift and I hope your continue on this path.
i read this post WAY late, but i wanted to thank you for it. you address this issue which generally is glossed over in the fashion blogger world, and i appreciate it!
Keep going.
I'm still wandering my way through an eating disorder, and that's all you really can do.
And?
It's enough.
*You* are enough.
And you are beautiful, girl.
So very, very beautiful.
ps (It's okay to need/want validation. We all do sometimes. :)
i read this post WAY late, but i wanted to thank you for it. you address this issue which generally is glossed over in the fashion blogger world, and i appreciate it!
this is beautifully written and think you should send it into some magazine. and way to go with having the courage to put it out there. i dont thnk i could ever do that. and i too struggle with the same issues as i think we all do. this is really encouraging and inspiring. thank you.
loves.
britt
Thanks for sharing! I think you are so lovely and perfect just the way you are! Of course, it's always a journey on the road to self-confidence, but I think taking beautiful photos and feeling good about your style and having somewhere to share those photos truly does help! I hope you know how much I enjoy reading your blog and admiring your fashion sense! :)
Loves!
Tara,
I'm always inspired by your sense of style, but today, I'm inspired by your courage. Thank you for being you and for sharing your beauty with us through your blog.
Your blog caught my eye one day because you are so beautiful and your dress sense is amazing! I have followed it ever since, even though we don't have Anthropologie over here in New Zealand (they do ship here now though, yay!). Thank you for sharing this story, it reminded me that we are all more alike and closer to each other than we realise. Big hugs xx
Thank you. Your honesty and candor speak volumes about your inner strength and beauty. And I think your outer beauty is evident in your every single post.
I stumbled upon your blog, and upon reading this entry, I knew I just had to comment. THANK YOU. Thank you from every girl who has ever felt less than beautiful in her own skin, for whatever reason. This post absolutely moved me, and hit very close to home. It was beautiful, just like you.
Tara, you are beautiful inside and out. Your strength is a source of inspiration for other women... your blog lifts other women up, celebrates them, and is a place of complete positivity. I thank you so much for that. Thank you for empowering women. That's what we need to do for each other, and it's so nice to see bloggers like you (and all the other lovely, positive bloggers out there) do that for us readers, and for yourselves. xox!
Tara, this post was eloquently written. Thank you for sharing your story. I also struggled with my body image for years. I was always naturally VERY skinny, and throughout my entire life, people daily accused me of having an eating disorder. At 5'5", I didn't even weigh over 100 pounds until I entered my early 20's. I finally reached the 110 pound mark by my late 20's.
Now that I've hit 30, my weight has filled out just a bit more and hovers around 115-117. I sometimes struggle with this, as I'm more womanly now with a large behind and some hips for the first time in my life.
Thank you for helping me realize that we need to embrace who we are instead of constantly trying to fit some cookie cutter mold.
This was such a touching piece to read. I really commend you for having the courage to share this very personal story with us. Although you may feel differently, I want to honestly (HONESTLY) say that I think you look absolutely wonderful. Really. I mean it.
Dearest Tara,
You continue to inspire me everyday since "meeting" you on your blog. This story demonstrates how intelligent, brave, beautiful, and genuine you are, and I simply look forward to hearing from you for days to come. This story resonated with me on so many levels. In high school I would eat very little and weighed close to 110 lbs.People noticed, and at times said something, but I was always too defensive to allow them to get any closer and actually provide comfort. In college I continued to compare myself to other girls, and attending a big university in the South, I was surrounded by beautiful and thin girls. Not only did I not continue eating regular meals, but I was also restricting myself in other ways and it just became exhausting, especially during a time when I was supposed to be having the time of my life learning and making new friends.
I'll end my story by simply saying the following: I have always appreciated your honesty in your posts and emails and your beauty always shines through.
p.s. I'm mad about your outfit today and seeing you in this cardi so many times inspired me to find a cranberry-color one as well! See the inspiration you always provide?!
Tara, Thank you for your bravery sharing your story. I have a terrible body image and am afraid of posting my pics of my OOTD. That is why I only use Polyvore's of my outfits right now.... I will take all of what you said to heart and I will be brave enough very soon. Blessings and Cheers!
Sherry at Girls Day Out gdo-family.blogspot.com
You inspire me.
hi Tara!
I've been a longtime reader of your blog, but have never felt the push to comment until today. This post was so beautifully written and struck a deep chord with me. I want to thank you for sharing something that is so personal to you yet so relatable to many many women, including myself. I wanted to let you know that even though we've never met, your beauty and class really shows through on your blog.
best,
dianna
You are a very brave and beautiful young woman and I am glad you shared your story. I have always been on the opposite end, I eat more than I should. The skinniest I have been is 125, I am currently 165. I don't feel good about my weight and I blame myself constantly but after reading your post and Tien's it makes me reanalyze myself and my thoughts on weight. It is sad that we as women can be so hurtful to one another. I have a daughter and son, I hope I can teach them to love themselves and not worry about weight as I did. My mother constantly and to this day talks about my weight. She had Thyroid problems, overactive thyroid she lost a bunch of weight she was down to 105 at my wedding. I was so scared I would lose her. She is now at a healthy 135. I am happy she is alive to see her grandchildren. So I know that it can be scary. I think you did a wonderful thing today writing about your experience. I think if women were honest with eachother we would see that we all have some kind of eating disorder. Thank you so much for writing this blog.
Tara,
As a girl who is 12/14 I have loved your blog. Even though we are opposite sides on the sizing spectrum I find sooo much inspiration and humor from your blog posts. In addition to that you are soo confidant and positive.
In a society for at least mainstream (exclude hollywood) the focus is on the opposite on obesity. But by sharing your story that it's not just overeating that is a problem...it's just over all body image and perception.
Tara you are so brave for sharing your story and you are a truly beautiful human.
I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, I'm saying this because it's absolutely true - you are beautiful, gorgeous, and stunning. An extra 15lbs or not, you still manage to always look phenomenal. Plus, I think those 15lbs look good on you - without them, I don't think you would look as stunning as you do. Thanks for sharing this with us and best of luck with conquering your beliefs on the topic. No one is perfect but the closest thing you can be to perfect is to just be yourself.
What a brave post. I think you are beautiful as you are today.
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